help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
