The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
