i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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