I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize