so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
