I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
