I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if only i could text you this smell
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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