Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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