its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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