I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
