Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
