I'm really into asian looking animals
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
