I just made out with a guy for $7.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
