I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
