I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
