you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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