so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think people are normalizing furries
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