U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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