In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
