The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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