you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
