guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This house was built for laser tag.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
