Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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