it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
