Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
