he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
