i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
