i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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