So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
