fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
