All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
