You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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