she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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