Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
