my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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