ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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