A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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