so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize