Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
