Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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