its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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