Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
