??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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