Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
