I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
