Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
