I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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