Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize