my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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