Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize