I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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