Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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