so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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