You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
