After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Are we still banned from the library?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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