Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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