I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
