Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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