I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
