The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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