Just cropdusted the office
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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