Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
