the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
