And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
