I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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