Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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