We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize