The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
