I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
