She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
