The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
