Im at strip club and am horny
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
