I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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