As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
