dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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