i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
